Just like a dream

I couldn't sleep. Like always. But that didn't bother me. Because neither could she.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now...

She was thinking. Lost in thought. Staring straight into my eyes, she frowned. Ah, she did look oh-so-beautiful when angry. Her smooth skin making gentle ripples on the calm sea of her forehead. Her inquisitive light brown eyes moving ever so slightly as her eyelids fluttered as if they were in slow motion. Her jet black hair flowing lusciouly onto her shoulders, neither too short, nor too long. It was just perfect. She was just perfect.

She asked, "What would you do if all this was only a dream? If I was nothing more than a figment of your imagination and all this a cruel drama of your subconscious? What would you do?"

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I asked " You really want to know?", fully knowing she did. Perhaps I was just buying time. Thinking of the right words to say. She replied " Yes dear, I do. What would you do if I become obsolete as it were if indeed I do not actually exist?"

Obsolete. The first thing that that word brings to mind is the old computer in our house. Even last week, as I saw the computer huddled away in a corner in an upstairs room, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic. Ah, the memories. Those days which revolved around that piece of machinery which is ostensibly the solution to all of man's problems. Personally, I can never throw any of my old things away be it an old notebook which I used last semester or the old fountain pen I had used way back in the 6th standard. I feel attached to these pieces, however obsolete that might be. I can't even get rid of old clothes, dammit.

"You know what I'd do?", I replied, with a somewhat wry smile on my face. "If I were to wake up and find this all a dream, I would just cry. Cry my heart out. And more." She looked at me brandishing a smile that could melt the heart of Saddam Hussein. "Yeah right, as if. All you'd do is say 'huh' and carry on with your life. What would I be to you?", she asked rather rhethorically as she brushed her hair back. "Only the world.", I replied.

But truth be told, what can one do if he or she were to wake up one day and find their world changed forever by a irreversible act. Trivially a dream. Perhaps something worse, a death of a loved one. Can one just spend the rest of his life mourning it all? Of course not. One must realise that things change, people change. Sometimes its better to let go than to hold on to something which isn't yours to hold on to. Its better to let go and see if it comes back rather than holding on and see if it lets goes. It, he or she.

"Anyways", she sighed, "I suppose you could ask me the same question. And frankly I don't see myself giving any other answer. I think its the human condition. We know so much and yet sometimes we just don't want to accept it. We keep hoping that atleast for me, it would be different." I loved it when she talked philosophically. Philosophy ain't my cup of tea. I am more comfortable around line integrals, thank you. But then, sometimes even I can come with some gyan. "Hope ", I said, pausing as if for effect, " is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of our greatest strength and our greatest weakness". She laughed. " The Architect, Matrix Reloaded. And here I was expecting you to be serious and all." I grinned and replied "Well, I try."

"Its getting late and I have an early day tomorrow," she said looking at the clock. "Yes, me too. Tomorrow tomorrow, I love you tomorrow and I ...", I started singing. "Oh, shut up and go to sleep you braying donkey", she said laughing as she did. "Yes, ma'am, right away."


As I woke up to the same old sound emanating from my cell phone, I realised I was back in the same old small dingy hostel room of 248 Narmada. I put on my glasses and looked around, thinking for a moment and hearing a rather distant voice saying "huh". I turned towards my laptop and realised I had been watching the movie Lost In Translation. I turned away staring at the wall, lost in thought. Huh.