Confessions of a dangerous mind

Late in the night, after quite a serious conversation with one of my friends, unable to go to sleep I start thinking about something. Well, its something some of us (not including yours truly) perhaps think about enough times not to consider it important enough. So...

How many true friends do we have? Strange question. I have never actually thought about this question. My life has always been divided into friends, thank-god-not-friends and soon-will-be-friends. No concept of true friends and untrue friends. Perhaps its time I did start to think about this. Start to realise which of my so called friendships are just ruses, hoaxes, untold hostilities even. Thats the problem with imagining things. Sometimes we go a little overboard. Overreact. And this sort of insecurity can be quite dangerous.Fortunately the sanity (or what remains rather) woke me up from such delusions. Delusions? Hopefully...

But then my natural train of thoughts acting with the contemplation-inducing effects of insomnia (techincally its nonsleepness) led me to an even more perturbing question. How true a friend am I? And on reflection, I realised that I am not a very good friend. I idealise every friendship I have as an one way relationship and in some cases can genuinely, and unfortunately sadly, can add that I have made metaphorical cul-de-sacs of my friendships. Alarming. Disturbing. Disappointing.

And in the lonely companionship and bright darkness of the night, I decide that enough is enough. Too many faces lied to. Too many wrongful admissions "I am always frank da".Too many people whose friendships I dishonour.Too many too manys...

A bit too much. I still cannot say I will turn a Harishchandra overnight. I probably never will. All I can say is that I will try. Try.

Appropriately (?) listening to Boulevard of broken dreams - Green Day
walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...


And thus thunk the Helmet.

Comments

pisku said…
Hey cheer up dude. Tell you one thing about friendship. It takes time to develop. True friends are those who like you as you are and don't have their notions of how you ought ter be. All you have to do is to accept your pals as they are and they'll do it too. This seductive lady is a passing thought. Wave your hand and let her by.
pisku said…
and y not a shout box here too.....
Jah said…
True friends stay...
For me they are the ones who come to my mind when I listen to Bridge Over Troubled Water.
:D
San said…
Thanks da Pisku though I am totally clueless about the seductive lady thing.?.

And yes I will try to get a shoutbox.Try. :D

And Das, totally agree with you...:)
Anonymous said…
sanju,
you are much deep than what i assumed.i am also confused about what a true or untrue friend is!
people say they(true ones) stand the test of time and situation.but i think ,if someone discovers it,but
runs out of time to acknowledge!left with agony of losing inspite of winning.though,its
better to leave it to god(if you believe),than to think about it again and again(which
i am finding difficult to do).about ones own commitment,the day day you feel,yes i can
do anything(certainly not sharing wife) for this person,i dont need anything back,that
dayyou are on the way to get one.
about love(friendship is one type of it) people do go cul-de-sacs,& i am still to find it is
right way or wrong(perhaps aerosmith has an answer).
as far as you are concerned,you are frank.dont you let me know that you are alone.we are with you.
i am with you.relieve yourself.
senti
San said…
Nice da Senti.Thanks.
Anonymous said…
I've never had a confusion about this subject as to who a true friend is and who is not. I believe I've done my best as a friend to everyone who needed me in their time of despair.But I've done nothing special to win friends and I will never do that. I am what I am. If anybody wants to be my friend then they have to accept me as I am (which u guys must have understood by now). I wont change for anyone in this world. No, I dont want to win girls by presenting myself as someone who I am not. I still do not know why some ppl use deo only when they are going out to a place where there are girls... There are ppl who use deo always, their case is different.
Why I dont like deo???
because I hate the smell.....
Do I need a girlfriend???
Maybe yes.....
Will I do anything special to win one?
Never in my life even if I end up not getting one....
Get the drift.........

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